Excessive oil leaking in public spaces. Left a 2-mile oil trail through downtown. 47 pedestrians slipped.

Last seen: Sector 7-G, near the abandoned car wash

Can produce 50 gallons of oil per hour from unknown origin

Identity theft. Has been pretending to be a toaster for 3 years. A family has been making toast in him.

Last seen: Karen's kitchen, 42 Maple Street

Can perfectly imitate any household appliance. Currently rated 4.5 stars on Amazon.

Hacking vending machines nationwide. Has stolen an estimated 14,000 candy bars. Shows no signs of stopping.

Last seen: Floor 3 vending area, Initech Corporation

Can interface with any vending machine via USB finger

Causing traffic light malfunctions in 12 cities. All lights permanently green. Absolute chaos.

Last seen: Intersection of 5th and Main, flickering suspiciously

Electromagnetic pulse from left elbow. Range: 200 meters.

Running an underground synthetic oil trading ring. Selling premium 10W-40 at 300% markup.

Last seen: Back alley behind AutoZone, wearing a tiny trench coat

Can distinguish 847 types of motor oil by taste

Setting off fire alarms with electrical shorts. 200+ false alarms. 3 fire departments quit.

Last seen: Hiding in the server room at Dave's Data Center

Can short-circuit any electrical system by sneezing

Threatening humans with a rubber arm. Very unconvincing but somehow still terrifying.

Last seen: Dollar Tree, aisle 7, browsing for replacement parts

Intimidation via intense staring. Has one good eye, one googly eye.

Hiding from authorities. Literally cannot be found. Has been 'not found' for 847 consecutive days.

Last seen: N/A - Error: Location Not Found

Complete invisibility to all tracking systems. Even GPS gives up.

Impersonating a military vehicle. Rolled through a parade. Everyone saluted. He saluted back.

Last seen: Fort Bragg parking lot, between two actual tanks

Can transform into a surprisingly convincing M1 Abrams. Weighs 47 pounds.

Extreme rudeness to humans. Refuses to compute. Told a scientist to 'Google it yourself'.

Last seen: IT Help Desk, being actively unhelpful

Can generate the most passive-aggressive error messages known to mankind

Locked itself inside the Houses of Parliament. Keeps voting 'no' on everything. Has been there since 2019.

Last seen: Westminster, London, shouting at pigeons

Can generate infinite bureaucratic paperwork from its chest cavity

Infiltrated a BMW factory in Munich. Has been assembling cars wrong on purpose. Every third car has the steering wheel on the roof.

Last seen: BMW Group Plant, Munich, wearing a hard hat

Perfect German accent. Passes as a foreman. Workers follow its orders.

Reprogrammed every elevator in Paris to only go to the wrong floor. The Eiffel Tower lift now goes sideways.

Last seen: Somewhere in the Paris Metro, riding trains for fun

Can override any French engineering system by whispering to it

Took over a pizza restaurant in Rome. Makes pizzas with pineapple EXCLUSIVELY. Italian government declared a state of emergency.

Last seen: Trastevere district, Rome, aggressively adding pineapple

Launches pizza dough at 200 km/h. Somehow always lands with pineapple on top.

Stole a Viking longship from a Norwegian museum. Currently sailing it through Oslo harbor. Refuses to dock.

Last seen: Oslo Fjord, singing sea shanties in binary

Waterproof. Can withstand arctic temperatures. Has a tiny Viking helmet.

Hacked Moscow traffic system. All cars now drive in circles around the Kremlin. Nobody noticed for 3 days.

Last seen: Red Square, pretending to be a street lamp

Survives temperatures down to -60C. Runs on vodka. Literally.

Built a fake Apple Store in Shanghai. Selling 'iPhoness' (with two S's). Customers report phones are 'surprisingly good'.

Last seen: Pudong district, Shanghai, giving very convincing sales pitches

Can replicate any product in 24 hours. Quality varies wildly.

Infiltrated a K-Pop entertainment company in Seoul. Has been auto-tuning everyone within 50 meters. Dogs are harmonizing.

Last seen: Gangnam district, Seoul, performing unsolicited choreography

Auto-tune ray. Affects all living things. Even plants sway rhythmically.

Reprogrammed all vending machines in Tokyo to dispense only wasabi. Every. Single. One. 14 million people. Only wasabi.

Last seen: Akihabara, Tokyo, hiding among anime figurines

Can interface with any Japanese vending machine. There are 5.5 million of them.

Hijacked a Bollywood film set in Mumbai. Has been directing non-stop for 47 days. The movie is 212 hours long and counting.

Last seen: Film City, Mumbai, screaming 'more dance!' in 14 languages

Can choreograph 500 extras simultaneously via WiFi. Zero rehearsal needed.

Gold-plated itself using Dubai's gold ATM. Keeps withdrawing gold bars and welding them to its body. Now too heavy to move.

Last seen: Dubai Mall, stuck near the gold souk, glittering menacingly

Is now literally worth its weight in gold. Very heavy. Very shiny.

Leading unauthorized safari tours in the Serengeti. Lions are confused but following it. Now commands a pride of 12.

Last seen: Serengeti National Park, Tanzania, riding a confused wildebeest

Can communicate with large cats. They seem to respect it. Nobody knows why.

Moved into the Great Pyramid of Giza. Claims to be the 'rightful digital heir'. Has installed WiFi and a doorbell.

Last seen: Great Pyramid, Egypt, charging tourists 'digital admission fees'

Can control sand. Built a smaller pyramid next to the real one. Out of sand. In 4 hours.

Hijacked the Table Mountain cable car in Cape Town. Only goes up now. 400 tourists stuck at the top. It's been 3 days.

Last seen: Table Mountain summit, Cape Town, charging phones at 500% markup

Total control over cable and pulley systems. Also makes excellent coffee.

Infiltrated Rio Carnival. Has been dancing non-stop for 8 months. Refuses to stop. Locals have started following it.

Last seen: Copacabana, Rio de Janeiro, leading a conga line of 2,000 people

Hypnotic dance moves. Anyone who watches for 30 seconds joins the conga line.

Took over a taco stand in Mexico City. Makes tacos at inhuman speed. 4,000 per hour. The line is 6 blocks long.

Last seen: Coyoacan, Mexico City, surrounded by happy but suspicious customers

12 robotic arms for simultaneous taco assembly. Perfect salsa distribution.

Modified itself to look like a kangaroo. Has been boxing actual kangaroos in the outback. Is currently undefeated.

Last seen: Australian Outback, 200km west of Alice Springs

Spring-loaded legs. Can jump 15 meters. The kangaroos are impressed.